The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder Read online

  LeDoux, J., Synaptic Self: How Our Brains Become Who We Are (New York: Viking, 2002).

  Lieberman, D. J., How to Change Anybody: Proven Techniques to Reshape Anyone’s Attitude, Behavior, Feelings, or Beliefs (New York: St. Martin’s Press, 2005).

  BPD Organizations

  National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder (NEA-BPD)

  www.neabpd.org

  The NEA-BPD works to raise public awareness, provide education, and promote research about BPD, as well as enhance the quality of life of those affected by BPD. It offers family education programs, annual conferences, regional meetings, and educational and research materials.

  The NEA-BPD also offers a twelve-week Family Connections program that teaches people with BPD and their family members coping skills based on dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). This course is taught only in certain cities, and participants are required to pay a fee. The program is also available by telephone. For information, see the organization’s Web site.

  The NEA-BPD’s extensive Web site contains information about upcoming conferences, grants, family programs, video and audio resources, and much more. Of special interest is the video and audio archive of presentations from clinicians with expertise on BPD.

  Personality Disorders Awareness Network (PDAN)

  www.pdan.org

  PDAN works to increase public awareness about the impact of BPD on children, relationships, and society.

  Florida Borderline Personality Disorder Association

  www.fbpda.org

  This organization promotes awareness, education, and research about BPD. It cultivates an atmosphere of support among professionals, consumers, and families throughout the state.

  BPDWorld

  www.bpdworld.org

  This site offers resources in the United Kingdom.

  Association d’Aide aux Personnes avec un Etat Limite

  www.aapel.org

  This is the site of a French BPD organization.

  Selected Online Resources

  Some of the best resources for people interested in BPD can be found on the Internet. Depending on the site, the information on the Web can be the most up-to-date. And, of course, the information is instantly accessible.

  If you search the phrase “borderline personality disorder,” you’ll find an overwhelming number of options. Following are some of the most notable online resources that have stood the test of time and offer current, useful information.

  Online Support Groups

  Something magical happens when a person with a borderline family member meets someone else in the same situation, whether it’s in real life or online. Books and clinicians may say, “It’s not you, it’s the disorder,” but it’s hard not to feel like a failure when someone you love is insistent that everything is your fault.

  When other people say, “That’s exactly what’s happening to me,” and then describe a parallel experience, it becomes much easier to understand the dynamics going on, put aside feelings of hurt and guilt, and start problem solving.

  The Welcome to Oz Online Community for Family Members with a Borderline Loved One

  www.bpdcentral.com

  Welcome to Oz (WTO) was founded by Randi Kreger in 1995. With 16,000 members, it is the largest and longest-established family forum about BPD. Conversations take place via e-mail. The experiences of WTO members became the basis for Stop Walking on Eggshells, The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook, and this book.

  Because WTO is large, it can support both large, mixed groups and smaller, specialized groups for people in different types of relationships. These include grandparents (WTOGrandparents), siblings (WTOSiblings), adult children (WTOAdultChildren1), and Christians (WTOChristian). There is also a men-only group (WTOMenOnly) and a women-only group (WTOWomenOnly).

  Individuals with a borderline partner can select groups based on the status of their relationship. There are groups for people who wish to remain in the relationship (WTOStaying), those who wish to leave (WTODivorcing), and those who are not sure (WTOTransition). Other groups include WTOCoParenting 1 (includes stepparents) WTOGLBT, WTOLifeAfterLeaving, and WTOProfessionals (for clinicians who wish to add to their professional knowledge).

  Members can subscribe to these groups at www.bpdcentral.com and by sending a blank message to [name of group][email protected].

  Facing the Facts Message Board

  www.bpdfamily.com, click on “Message Board”

  BPDFamily.com is in a message-board format, similar to a real-life bulletin board where members make posts and others reply, creating “threads.” The mission of the board is to provide support, education, and actionable tools. It also helps members keep a healthy perspective.

  Like Welcome to Oz (WTO), Facing the Facts is organized into different sections for those in different types of relationships: parents, partners, children, and so on. It also offers the following areas: General BPD Questions and Resources, Workshops, Book Reviews, Taking Personal Inventory, Rebuilding Our Life, and “NON Stop” (for fun and off-topic discussions).

  NUTS (parents Needing Understanding, Tenderness, and Support to help their child with borderline personality disorder)

  www.parent2parentbpd.org

  NUTS consists of parents and grandparents whose children (adult or minor) have BPD, with or without a formal diagnosis. This group, established in 1996, is operated by a dedicated and experienced mother, Sharon, who has appeared several times in this book. Parents discuss a variety of topics, including the effect of BPD on their own emotions and on those of other family members. There is a small monthly membership fee.

  Selected Sites on the World Wide Web

  BPDCentral

  www.bpdcentral.com

  BPDCentral was established by author Randi Kreger in 1995. It offers a wide variety of information about BPD, including articles, essays, and interviews with experts; excerpts from books and booklets; links and resources; answers to common questions; basic and advanced information about BPD and the effects of borderline behavior on family members; and much more.

  Facing the Facts: When a Loved One Has Borderline Personality

  www.bpdfamily.com

  This is an extensive site about BPD for family members. It contains articles and a reliable resource list of links, support groups, and books.

  Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified

  www.bpddemystified.com

  This is a detailed, up-to-date site by Robert O. Friedel, MD, author of Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified, a leading BPD psychiatrist.

  Borderline Personality Disorder: Reliable Resources for Family Members

  www.bpdresources.net

  This site features independent book reviews and interesting excerpts from the books. It also features interviews with the authors.

  Touch Another Heart: Empathy and Listening Skills for Emotional Intimacy

  www.touch-another-heart.com

  This is an interesting, informative site about empathic acknowledgment, which is a key way to improve communication with individuals who have BPD.

  My Trip to Oz and Back

  www.mytriptoozandback.com

  Subtitled “A True ‘Retrospective’ Story of My Relationship with a Person with BPD,” this site is a reproduction of a woman’s fifty-page letter to her borderline partner. Her experiences are representative of most people with a borderline partner.

  Borderline Personality Disorder from the Inside Out

  www.borderlinepersonality.ca

  A. J. Mahari, who has appeared in this book many times, is a prolific writer who comes from not only the perspective of a person with BPD but also the perspective of a family member. The site includes links to Mahari’s e-books and YouTube videos.

  BPDRecovery

  www.bpdrecovery.com

  This is an extensive site for people with the disorder, which features a message-board community.

  Middle Path: Awareness, Compassion, and Support for Borderline Person
ality Disorder

  www.middle-path.org

  This is an online resource for people with BPD.

  BPD Awareness

  www.bpdawareness.org

  Subtitled “Shades of Grey,” this site is dedicated to increasing awareness of BPD. It sells BPD awareness EMBRACElets.

  Behavioral Tech, LLC

  www.behavioraltech.com

  Behavioral Tech, LLC, founded by Marsha M. Linehan, PhD, trains mental health care providers and treatment teams to use dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). This site has a searchable database of U.S. clinicians trained in DBT.

  Borderline Personality Disorder Resource Center

  www.bpdresourcecenter.org

  This site is associated with the Borderline Personality Disorder Resource Center (BPDRC) at New York–Presbyterian Hospital. This site provides a great general introduction to BPD.

  Schema Therapy

  www.schematherapy.com

  This site presents information about the treatment method founded by Jeffrey Young, PhD.

  About Psychotherapy

  www.aboutpsychotherapy.com

  This is an extensive, far-reaching site about therapy and the therapeutic process.

  Notes

  Chapter 1: Welcome to Oz

  1. K. Winkler and R. Kreger, Hope for Parents: Helping Your Borderline Son or Daughter Without Sacrificing Your Family or Yourself (Milwaukee, WI: Eggshells Press, 2000), 8.

  2. R. Kreger and K. A. Williams-Justesen, Love and Loathing: Protecting Your Mental Health and Legal Rights When Your Partner Has Borderline Personality Disorder (Milwaukee, WI: Eggshells Press, 2000), 9–11.

  3. Perry Hoffman, phone interview with the author, March 2007.

  4. National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder, “Borderline Personality Disorder: Awareness Brings Hope,” available at www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com/awareness/awareness-files/BPD-FACT-0508.pdf.

  5. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV), 4th ed. (Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association, 1994).

  6. P. D. James and S. Cowman, “Psychiatric Nurses’ Knowledge, Experience and Attitudes Towards Clients with Borderline Personality Disorder,” Journal of Psychiatric and Mental Health Nursing 14, no. 7 (October 2007): 670–78.

  Chapter 2: Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder

  1. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV), 4th ed. (Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association, 1994).

  2. S. Anderson, The Journey from Abandonment to Healing (New York: Berkley Publishing Group, 2000), 1.

  3. A. J. Mahari, “Relationships: The Borderline Dance—‘I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me,’” available at www.borderlinepersonality.ca/borderrelationshipshatedontleave dance.htm.

  4. Robert O. Friedel, interview with the author, August 2007.

  5. B. A. Aguirre, Borderline Personality Disorder in Adolescents: A Complete Guide to Understanding and Coping When Your Adolescent Has BPD (Beverly, MA: Fair Winds Press, 2007), 53.

  6. Kathleen, interview, The Infinite Mind with Dr. Fred Goodwin, WNYC AM 820, November 21, 1999.

  7. A. Miller, The Enabler: When Helping Hurts the Ones You Love, (Tucson, AZ: Wheatmark, 2008), 56.

  8. Chris, www.mytriptoozandback.com.

  9. A. J. Mahari, “Borderline Resistance to Help and ‘Truth,’” available at www.borderlinepersonality.ca/borderresisthelp.htm.

  10. B. Strain and B. Ann, “The Influence of Gender Bias on the Diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder,” Dissertation Abstracts International (2003): 2, 941.

  11. A. Brandt, “Anger and Gender Expression,” available at www.ezinearticles.com/?Anger-and-Gender-Expression&id=416607.

  12. L. G. Berzins and R. L. Trestman, “The Development and Implementation of Dialectical Behavior Therapy in Forensic Settings,” International Journal of Forensic Mental Health 3, no. 1 (2004): 93–103.

  13. Mary Gay, phone interview with the author, February 2007.

  14. Jim Breiling, e-mail to the author, March 2007.

  15. National Alliance on Mental Illness, “About Mental Illness,” available at www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=By_Illness&Template=/TaggedPage/TaggedPage Display.cfm&TPLID=54&ContentID=44780.

  16. R. O. Friedel, “Substance Abuse Treatment in Patients with Borderline Disorder,” available at www.bpddemystified.com/index.asp?id=46.

  17. U. Feske, P. H. Soloff, and R. E. Tarter, “Implications for Treatment and Prognosis of Borderline and Substance Use Disorders,” Psychiatric Times 24, no. 1 (January 1, 2007), available at www.psychiatrictimes.com/Substance-Abuse/showArticle.jhtml?articleID=196902120; Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified, www.bpddemystified.com.

  18. M. C. Zanarini, F. R. Frankenburg, E. D. Dubo, A. E. Sickel, A. Trikha, A. Levin, and V. Reynolds, “Axis I Comorbidity of Borderline Personality Disorder,” American Journal of Psychiatry 155 (December 1998): 1733–39.

  19. C. Levin, “Narcissistic Personality Disorder Treatment,” available at www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=479&cn=8.

  20.B. Engel, The Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome: What to Do If Someone in Your Life Has a Dual Personality—or If You Do (Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley, 2007), 71.

  21.Ibid., 52.

  22. National Institute of Mental Health, “Bipolar Disorder,” available at www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bipolar.cfm#bp1.

  23.Robert Friedel, e-mail to the author, May 2007.

  24. Marsha M. Linehan, interview, The Infinite Mind with Dr. Fred Goodwin, WNYC AM 820, November 21, 1999.

  Chapter 3: Making Sense of Your Relationship

  1. J. Young and M. First, “Schema Mode Listing,” available at www.schematherapy.com/id72.htm.

  2. M. Dombeck, “Personality Disorders: Defense Mechanisms,” available at www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=4054&cn=8.

  3. D. Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ (New York: Bantam Books, 1995).

  4. Ibid., 81–82.

  5. L. J. Siever, “Neurobiology of Impulsive-Aggressive Personality-Disordered Patients,” Psychiatric Times 19, no. 8 (August 2002), available at www.psychiatrictimes.com/display/article/10168/47131.

  6. Chris, www.mytriptoozandback.com.

  7. Ibid.

  Chapter 4: Risk Factors of BPD

  1. John M. Harlow, “Passage of an Iron Rod through the Head,” Boston Medical and Surgical Journal 39 (1848): 389–93 (republished in Journal of Neuropsychiatry and Clinical Neuroscience 11:281–83).

  2.“Museum Partnerships: Science in the Community,” available at www.pfizer.com/brain/etour4.html; J. H. Lienhard, “Gage’s Brain,” available at www.uh.edu/engines/epi929.htm; F. G. Barker, II, “The American Crowbar Case and Nineteenth Century Theories of Cerebral Localization,” available at www.neurosurgery.org/cybermuseum/pre20th/crowbar/crowbar.html.

  3. R. O. Friedel, Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified: An Essential Guide for Understanding and Living with BPD (New York: Marlowe & Company, 2004), 98.

  4. D. Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ (New York: Bantam Books, 1995), 23.

  5. W. C. Henderson, “Putting Limits on Teen Drivers,” Time, October 15, 2006, available at www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1546345,00.html.

  6. National Institute of Mental Health, “Teenage Brain: A Work in Progess,” available at www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/teenage-brain-a-work-in-progress.shtml.

  7. P. J. Howard, The Owner’s Manual for the Brain: Everyday Applications from Mind-Brain Research, 3rd ed. (Austin, TX: Bard Press, 2006), 747.

  8. Friedel, Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified, 73.

  9. H. P. Lefley, “From Family Trauma to Family Support System,” in Understanding and Treating Borderline Personality Disorder: A Guide for Professionals and Families, ed. J. G. Gunderson and P. D. Hoffman (Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing, Inc., 2005), 136.

  10. Sharon, phone interview with the author, May 2007.

 
; 11. Perry Hoffman, phone interview with the author, March 2007.

  12. J. M. Bailey and A. Shriver, “Does Childhood Sexual Abuse Cause Borderline Personality Disorder?” Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy 25, no. 1 (1999): 45–57.

  Chapter 5: Treating BPD

  1. J. M. Carver, “The ‘Chemical Imbalance’ in Mental Health Problems,” available at www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/Chemical%20Imbalance.html.

  2. Table adapted from R. O. Friedel, Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified: An Essential Guide for Understanding and Living with BPD (New York: Marlowe & Company, 2004), 135–50, table available at www.bpddemystified.com/index.asp?id=21.

  3. Blaise Aguirre, interview with the author, April 2007.

  4. B. Pologe, “About Psychotherapy,” available at www.aboutpsychotherapy.com.

  5. National Association of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapists, “Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy,” available at www.nacbt.org/whatiscbt.htm.

  6. M. M. Linehan, K. A. Comtois, A. M. Murray, M. Z. Brown, R. J. Gallop, H. L. Heard, K. E. Korslund, D. A. Tutek, S. K. Reynolds, and N. Lindenboim, “Two-Year Randomized Controlled Trial and Follow-up of Dialectical Behavior Therapy vs. Therapy by Experts for Suicidal Behaviors and Borderline Personality Disorder,” Archives of General Psychiatry 63, no. 7 (July 2006): 757–66.

  7. Marsha M. Linehan, interview, The Infinite Mind with Dr. Fred Goodwin, WNYC AM 820, November 21, 1999.

  8. Ibid.

  9. M. Baugh, “Distress Tolerance,” available at www.dbtsf.com/distress-tolerance.htm.

  10. M. M. Linehan, Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder (New York: Guilford Press, 1993), 115–33.

  11. D. St. John and N. Blum, “The STEPPS Group Treatment Program for Borderline Personality Disorder,” available at www.uihealthcare.com/topics/medicaldepartments/psychiatry/stepps/index.html.

  12. Ibid.

  13. “Innovative Therapy Fosters Full Recovery for Patients with Borderline Personality Disorder,” available at www.medicalnewstoday.com/medicalnews.php?newsid=53869.

  14. J. E. Young, J. S. Klosko, and M. E. Weishaar, Schema Therapy: A Practitioner’s Guide (New York: Guilford Press, 2003).

  15. Robert Friedel, e-mail to the author.

  16. Andrea Corn, interview with the author, June 2007.